I’ve always been fascinated by people who are consistently successful at what they do; especially those who experience repeated success in many areas of their life throughout their lifetime.  In entertainment, I think of Clint Eastwood and Oprah Winfrey.  In business, I think of Steve Jobs and Warren Buffett.  We all have our own examples of super successful people like these who we admire.  But how do they do it?

Over the years I’ve studied the lives of numerous successful people.  I’ve read their books, watched their interviews, researched them online, etc.  And I’ve learned that most of them were not born into success; they simply did, and continue to do, things that help them realize their full potential.  Here are twelve things they do differently that the rest of us can easily emulate.

1.  They create and pursue S.M.A.R.T. goals.

Successful people are objective.  They have realistic targets in mind.  They know what they are looking for and why they are fighting for it.  Successful people create and pursue S.M.A.R.T. goals.

S.M.A.R.T. goals are Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Timely.  Let’s briefly review each:

• Specific – A general goal would be, “Get in shape.” But a related specific goal would be, “Join a health club and workout 3 days a week for the next 52 weeks.”  A specific goal has a far greater chance of being accomplished because it has defined parameters and constraints.
• Measurable – There must be a logical system for measuring the progress of a goal.  To determine if your goal is measurable, ask yourself questions like:  How much time? How many total?  How will I know when the goal is accomplished? etc.  When you measure your progress, you stay on track, reach your target dates, and experience the exhilaration of achievement that spurs you on to continued efforts required to reach your goal.
• Attainable – To be attainable, a goal must represent an objective toward which you are both willing and able to work.  In other words, the goal must be realistic.  The big question here is:  How can the goal be accomplished?
• Relevant – Relevance stresses the importance of choosing goals that matter.  For example, an internet entrepreneur’s goal to “Make 75 tuna sandwiches by 2:00PM.” may be Specific, Measurable, Attainable, and Timely, but lacks Relevance to an entrepreneurs overarching objective of building a profitable online business.
• Timely – A goal must be grounded within a time frame, giving the goal a target date.  A commitment to a deadline helps you focus your efforts on the completion of the goal on or before the due date.  This part of the S.M.A.R.T. goal criteria is intended to prevent goals from being overtaken by daily distractions.

When you identify S.M.A.R.T. goals that are truly important to you, you become motivated to figure out ways to attain them.  You develop the necessary attitude, abilities, and skills.  You can achieve almost any goal you set if you plan your steps wisely and establish a time frame that allows you to carry out those steps.  Goals that once seemed far away and out of reach eventually move closer and become attainable, not because your goals shrink, but because you grow and expand to match them.

2.  They take decisive and immediate action.

Sadly, very few people ever live to become the success story they dream about.  And there’s one simple reason why:

They never take action!

The acquisition of knowledge doesn’t mean you’re growing.  Growing happens when what you know changes how you live.   So many people live in a complete daze.  Actually, they don’t ‘live.’  They simply ‘get by’ because they never take the necessary action to make things happen – to seek their dreams.

It doesn’t matter if you have a genius IQ and a PhD in Quantum Physics, you can’t change anything or make any sort of real-world progress without taking action.  There’s a huge difference between knowing how to do something and actually doing it.  Knowledge and intelligence are both useless without action.  It’s as simple as that.

Success hinges on the simple act of making a decision to live – to absorb yourself in the process of going after your dreams and goals.  So make that decision.  And take action.  For some practical guidance on taking action I highly recommend Getting Things Done.

3.  They focus on being productive, not being busy.

In his book, The 4-Hour Workweek, Tim Ferris says, “Slow down and remember this:  Most things make no difference.  Being busy is often a form of mental laziness – lazy thinking and indiscriminate action.”  This is Ferris’ way of saying “work smarter, not harder,” which happens to be one of the most prevalent modern day personal development clichés.  But like most clichés, there’s a great deal of truth to it, and few people actually adhere to it.

Just take a quick look around.  The busy outnumber the productive by a wide margin.

Busy people are rushing all over the place, and running late half of the time.  They’re heading to work, conferences, meetings, social engagements, etc.  They barely have enough free time for family get-togethers and they rarely get enough sleep.  Yet, business emails are shooting out of their smart phones like machine gun bullets, and their daily planner is jammed to the brim with obligations.

Their busy schedule gives them an elevated sense of importance.  But it’s all an illusion.  They’re like hamsters running on a wheel.

The solution:  Slow down.  Breathe.  Review your commitments and goals.  Put first things first.  Do one thing at a time.  Start now.  Take a short break in two hours.  Repeat.

And always remember, results are more important than the time it takes to achieve them.

4.  They make logical, informed decisions.

Sometimes we do things that are permanently foolish simply because we are temporarily upset or excited.

Although emotional ‘gut instincts’ are effective in certain fleeting situations, when it comes to generating long-term, sustained growth in any area of life, emotional decisions often lead a person astray.  Decisions driven by heavy emotion typically contain minimal amounts of conscious thought, and are primarily based on momentary feelings instead of mindful awareness.

The best advice here is simple:  Don’t let your emotions trump your intelligence.  Slow down and think things through before you make any life-changing decisions.

5.  They avoid the trap of trying to make things perfect.

Many of us are perfectionists in our own right.  I know I am at times.  We set high bars for ourselves and put our best foot forward.  We dedicate copious amounts of time and attention to our work to maintain our high personal standards.  Our passion for excellence drives us to run the extra mile, never stopping, never relenting.  And this dedication towards perfection undoubtedly helps us achieve results…  So long as we don’t get carried away.

But what happens when we do get carried away with perfectionism?

We become disgruntled and discouraged when we fail to meet the (impossibly high) standards we set for ourselves, making us reluctant to take on new challenges or even finish tasks we’ve already started.  Our insistence on dotting every ‘I’ and crossing every ‘T’ breeds inefficiency, causing major delays, stress overload and subpar results.

True perfectionists have a hard time starting things and an even harder time finishing them, always.  I have a friend who has wanted to start a graphic design business for several years.  But she hasn’t yet.  Why?  When you sift through her extensive list of excuses it comes down to one simple problem:  She is a perfectionist.  Which means she doesn’t, and never will, think she’s good enough at graphic design to own and operate her own graphic design business.

Remember, the real world doesn’t reward perfectionists.  It rewards people who get things done.  And the only way to get things done is to be imperfect 99% of the time.  Only by wading through years of practice and imperfection can we begin to achieve momentary glimpses of the perfection.  So make a decision.  Take action, learn from the outcome, and repeat this method over and over again in all walks of life.  Also, check out Too Perfect.  It’s an excellent read on conquering perfectionism.

6.  They work outside of their comfort zone.

The number one thing I persistently see holding smart people back is their own reluctance to accept an opportunity simply because they don’t think they’re ready.  In other words, they feel uncomfortable and believe they require additional knowledge, skill, experience, etc. before they can aptly partake in the opportunity.  Sadly, this is the kind of thinking that stifles personal growth and success.

The truth is nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises.  Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow emotionally and intellectually.  They force us to stretch ourselves and our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.  And when we don’t feel comfortable, we don’t feel ready.

Significant moments of opportunity for personal growth and success will come and go throughout your lifetime.  If you are looking to make positive changes and new breakthroughs in your life, you will need to embrace these moments of opportunity even though you will never feel 100% ready for them.

7.  They keep things simple.

Leonardo da Vinci once said, “Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.”  Nothing could be closer to the truth.  Here in the 21st century, where information moves at the speed of light and opportunities for innovation seem endless, we have an abundant array of choices when it comes to designing our lives and careers.  But sadly, an abundance of choice often leads to complication, confusion and inaction.

Several business and marketing studies have shown that the more product choices a consumer is faced with, the less products they typically buy.  After all, narrowing down the best product from a pool of three choices is certainly a lot easier than narrowing down the best product from a pool of three hundred choices.  If the purchasing decision is tough to make, most people will just give up.  Likewise, if you complicate your life by inundating yourself with too many choices, your subconscious mind will give up.

The solution is to simplify.  If you’re selling a product line, keep it simple.  And if you’re trying to make a decision about something in your life, don’t waste all your time evaluating every last detail of every possible option.  Choose something that you think will work and give it a shot.  If it doesn’t work out, learn what you can from the experience, choose something else and keep pressing forward.

8.  They focus on making small, continuous improvements.

Henry Ford once said, “Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small pieces.” The same concept configured as a question:  How do you eat an elephant?  Answer: One bite at a time.  This philosophy holds true for achieving your biggest goals.  Making small, positive changes – eating a little healthier, exercising a little, creating some small productive habits, for example – is an amazing way to get excited about life and slowly reach the level of success you aspire to.

And if you start small, you don’t need a lot of motivation to get started either.  The simple act of getting started and doing something will give you the momentum you need, and soon you’ll find yourself in a positive spiral of changes – one building on the other.  When I started doing this in my life, I was so excited I had to start this blog to share it with the world.

Start with just one activity, and make a plan for how you will deal with troubles when they arise.  For instance, if you’re trying to lose weight, come up with a list of healthy snacks you can eat when you get the craving for snacks.  It will be hard in the beginning, but it will get easier.  And that’s the whole point.  As your strength grows, you can take on bigger challenges.

9.  They measure and track their progress.

Successful people are not only working in their job/business, they are also working on it.  They step back and assess their progress regularly.  They track themselves against their goals and clearly know what needs to be done to excel and accelerate.

You can’t control what you don’t properly measure.  If you track the wrong things you’ll be completely blind to potential opportunities as they appear over the horizon.  Imagine if, while running a small business, you made it a point to keep track of how many pencils and paperclips you used.  Would that make any sense?  No!  Because pencils and paperclips are not a measure of what’s important for a business.  Pencils and paperclips have no bearing on income, customer satisfaction, market growth, etc.

The proper approach is to figure out what your number one goal is and then track the things that directly relate to achieving that goal.  I recommend that you take some time right now to identify your number one goal, identify the most important things for you to keep track of, and then begin tracking them immediately.  On a weekly basis, plug the numbers into a spreadsheet and use the data to create weekly or monthly trend graphs so you can visualize your progress.  Then fine-tune your actions to get those trends to grow in your favor.

10.  They maintain a positive outlook as they learn from their mistakes.

Successful people concentrate on the positives – they look for the silver lining in every situation.  They know that it is their positivity that will take them to greatness.  If you want to be successful, you need to have a positive outlook toward life.  Life will test you again and again.  If you give in to internal negativity, you will never be able to achieve the marks you have targeted.

Remember, every mistake you make is progress.  Mistakes teach you important lessons.  Every time you make one, you’re one step closer to your goal.  The only mistake that can truly hurt you is choosing to do nothing simply because you’re too scared to make a mistake.

So don’t hesitate – don’t doubt yourself!  Don’t let your own negativity sabotage you.  Learn what you can and press forward.

11.  They spend time with the right people.

Successful people associate with people who are likeminded, focused, and supportive.  They socialize with people who create energy when they enter the room versus those who create energy when they leave.  They reach out to connected, influential individuals who are right for their dreams and goals.

You are the sum of the people you spend the most time with.  If you hang with the wrong people, they will negatively affect you.  But if you hang with the right people, you will become far more capable and successful than you ever could have been alone.  Find your tribe and work together to make a difference in all of your lives.  Tribes by Seth Godin is a great read on this topic.

12.  They maintain balance in their life.

If you ask most people to summarize what they want out of life they’ll shout out a list of things like: ‘fall in love,’ ‘make money,’ ‘spend time with family,’ ‘find happiness,’ ‘achieve goals,’ etc.  But sadly, a lot of people don’t balance their life properly to achieve these things.  Typically they’ll achieve one or two of them while completely neglecting the rest.  Let me give you two examples:

• I know an extremely savvy businesswoman who made almost a million dollars online last year. Based on the success of her business, every entrepreneur I know looks up to her.  But guess what?  A few days ago, out of the blue, she told me that she’s depressed.  Why?  “I’m burnt out and lonely.  I just haven’t taken enough time for myself lately, and I feel like something is missing in my life,” she said.  “Wow!” I thought.  “One of the most successful people I know doesn’t feel successful because she isn’t happy with how she has balanced her life.”
• I also know a surfer who surfs all day, every day on the beach in front of our condo complex in San Diego.  He’s one of the most lighthearted, optimistic guys I’ve ever met – usually smiling from ear to ear.  But he sleeps in a rusty van he co-owns with another surfer, and they both frequently panhandle tourists for money.  He has admitted to me that the stress of making enough money to eat often keeps him up at night.  So while I can’t deny that this man seems happy most of the time, I wouldn’t classify his life as a success story.

These are just two simple examples of imbalanced lifestyles that are holding people back from their full potential.  When you let your work life (or social life, family life, etc.) consume you, and all your energy is focused in that area, it’s extremely easy to lose your balance.  While drive and focus are important, if you’re going to get things done right, and be truly successful, you need to balance the various dimensions of your life.  Completely neglecting one dimension for another only leads to long-term frustration and stress.  For some practical guidance on balancing your life, I recommend Zen and the Art of Happiness.

Photo by: Thomas Hawk

This guest post was written by Betsy, co-author of Married With Luggage.

Imagine relocating across the country and waiting for the moving truck to arrive so you can unpack your life and get settled.  Only the truck never makes it to your destination because it caught fire in New Jersey.  Everything you own is now ash, and through the magic of the Internet you find out that someone actually video recorded the fiery truck on the highway and uploaded it to YouTube.

Burn, baby, burn.

This actually happened to a friend of mine.  And he said that after an initial 10-minute freak out session, he started embracing the idea of starting over with a more simple existence.  “Not a bad idea,” I thought.

The Cost of Ownership

No matter what you own, there is a maintenance cost.  We can speak in dollars – insurance, taxes, interest.  Or even in time – cleaning, updating, protecting.  But the hardest maintenance cost for most people is simply sentimental value.

We transfer our feelings and memories onto an object and decide we can’t let go because we’ll risk losing the feeling or memory.  Before long, we become surrounded by these visual reminders of our memories and no longer have room to make new ones.  It’s hard to move forward in your life when your past is crowding your present.

Creative Downsizing

The answer, of course, is to get rid of some of this stuff.  But that’s way easier said than done.  We often need to be compelled to do this with a move or a lifestyle change.  Imagine how much richer life would be if we moved the junk out and made room for new opportunities instead of grudgingly making room only when it was forced upon us.

My husband and I are currently simplifying our ‘physical’ lives down to a couple of boxes and two backpacks.  That’s a big change from our starting point in a packed 3500 square-foot house.

We’re leaving on October 1 for Ecuador and 3+ years of exploring the world.  We’ve been working for a while to get to this point, as you can imagine, and along the way we’ve found a few creative downsizing strategies to help you simplify a little (or a lot) of your life.

1. The Reverse Birthday Party

For my 39th birthday I picked 39 of my favorite things – things that were special but not quite special enough to make it into my one box.  There was the silk scarf from France, the leather purse I bought on my honeymoon, a cocktail ring with more bling than my lifestyle required, and several other little treasures.

I wrote out a tag for each item detailing its history and why it was special to me.  Then I put them all on a shelf in my living room and invited all my friends over for my birthday party.  The rules were simple:

• If you find something you like, write your name on the back of the tag.
• If you are the only one who wants that item, it is yours.
• If more than one person wants the item, a “face-off” would occur and a democratic vote would decide who won.
• In lieu of gifts to me, winners of the items could donate to our trip in an anonymous box on the bar.

This kind of party accomplishes a few things.  You get to share and make wonderful memories with your good friends and continue to see your favorite items used by your favorite people in the future – much better than an anonymous eBay sale.  And your friends help you get through the pain of giving up the more sentimental things.  Take a picture of you with your friend and the item and you’ll still feel like you own it in a way.

2. The Craigslist Store

I can’t say enough about the wonder that is Craigslist.  Just about anything can be sold or given away on this site.  We’ve sold everything from a $500 dresser to a $5 box of random cords, and we’ve rarely had an ad out more than a week without a bite.

The key to successful Craigslist selling is to set up your own store. Do you have several pieces of furniture to sell?  Put them all together in a staging area.  When your buyers come by, they get a chance to see your other items and you can wheel and deal to get rid of more things.  People love a deal, so throwing in a rug you don’t think will sell for much with a piece of furniture a buyer is waffling on may help make the sale.

Think of your downsizing project like your own little retail store and you’ll sell twice as much in half the time.

3. Put it in a Box with an Expiration Date

People tell me all the time they can’t get rid of things for all sorts of reasons.  But you know, reasons don’t really matter for this trick. It is all about “Out of sight, out of mind.”  Take a few things you don’t use, but think you can’t live without (even though you haven’t used them in 2 years), and put them in a box.  Label the box with the current date and the contents and a sell/donate date.  Set the sell/donate date 1 month out, 6 months out, or whatever.  I will be blown away if you end up going back for even 10% of these items before the sell/donate date.

4. Take a Photo and Clear Your Space

This is one of my favorite ideas, especially for old clothes.  Do you have a photo of yourself on the night when you looked really hot in that outfit (you know, on that unforgettable night out with your friends)?  Keep the photo and get rid of the actual outfit if you no longer wear it on a regular basis.  If an occasion arises someday that requires a similar fancy outfit, treat yourself to something new and stylish.  Sometimes a photo that acts as a visual reminder is all you need to re-experience the joy of an item, and having it out of your space lets you live in the present instead of being cluttered by items you no longer use.

5. The Rule of One Thing In, Two Things Out

This is the lazy man’s solution to downsizing, and it can be effective over the long-run.  You simply decide that for every new item you bring into your house or office, two items will go.  New socks?  Get rid of twice as many old socks.  Mom sends you new towels?  Get rid of twice as many of the old, raggedy ones.  See how this works?  It’s a smaller effort, but an everyday one.  Once you get to your perfect balance, you simply keep this up with one thing in, one thing out.

Final Thoughts on the Benefits of Downsizing

I like to say that downsizing will upsize your life.  I know it sounds catchy, but it’s true.  Since my husband and I started downsizing over 4 years ago we have more money, time, and opportunity than I could have ever imagined.  There is no way we’d be planning a trip around the world if we were still weighed down with all the miscellaneous stuff we had acquired over the years.

So start small, like we did, and slowly integrate the 5 methods above into your current (cluttered) lifestyle.  I promise, you’ll find yourself in a clutter-free state in no time.

Betsy Talbot is one half of the blogging team at Married with Luggage.  When she’s not writing, she’s paring down, saving up, and getting ready to travel the world with her husband Warren.  Betsy shares her secrets on saving money in the free ebook How We Saved Enough Money to Change Our Lives (and How You Can, Too!).

Photo by: Dustin Diaz

This morning I was writing a blog entry at a local coffee shop here in Austin when a young man approached me.  “You’re Marc, right?” he asked.

I looked up at him.  He had bright blue eyes and a big smile, but nothing that rang a bell.  “I’m sorry.  Have we met?” I inquired politely.

“No,” he replied.  “But I feel like I know you.”  He held up his iPad and on the screen was Marc and Angel Hack Life.  “You look just like your photo,” he said in a cheerful tone.

I smiled, we shook hands, and then accepting my invitation, he sat down at my table.  Due to the modest success of our blog, most young twenty-something’s who randomly approach Angel and me want to know more about our blog, or about our sources of inspiration, but this young man immediately jumped to a different topic.

“So, I’m working on a college speech project entitled ‘Offbeat Advice,’” he said.  “And I thought it would be cool to cover offbeat advice successful people wish they knew sooner in life.”

I smiled again and then we chatted for about a half-hour.  I answered his questions as best as I could, and tried to give decent advice in the short time we spent together.  But on the walk home I realized our conversation really intrigued me and had me thinking, “What other pieces of offbeat advice do I wish I knew sooner?”

So I sat back down when I got home, I powered on my laptop and opened the word processor I use for blogging.  After gazing at the blank white screen for several minutes, I placed my fingers on the keyboard and titled the page, “7 Pieces of Offbeat Advice I Wish I Knew Sooner.”

1.  Wisdom is not about knowing all the answers.

It’s not the answers you get from others, or even the ones you formulate, that will help you in the long run.  It’s the simple questions you ask yourself on a regular basis that will determine the type of person you become.  Wisdom is about asking the right questions.

Regardless of your age or stature, life is always filled with unanswered questions.  It is the courage to ask these questions and adventurously seek the answers that continues to give life meaning.  Have patience with everything that remains unresolved in your heart.  Try to love the unanswered questions themselves.  Do not demand all the answers; they cannot be given to you because you have to live through them.  It is a matter of experiencing everything.  Only when you do will you gradually, perhaps without even noticing it, find yourself arriving at the answers you seek.  (I discuss this process in more detail in the Goals and Success chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

2.  You have to do lots of things you aren’t good at to grow.

If you do what you have always done, you will get the same results you have been getting.  If you want to stunt your growth and feel stuck in the same place forever, keep making excuses.  If, on the other hand, you want to stop feeling trapped, you have to start doing things that make you uncomfortable, things you aren’t very good at.  You have to streeeetch yourself.

There is no excuse for remaining stuck.  There is no excuse for doing the same things over and over again.  Life is too short.  Ask yourself if what you’re doing today is getting you closer to where you want to be tomorrow.

The day is rapidly approaching when the risk to remain perched in your nest is far more detrimental than the risk it takes to fly.  Fly!  Spread your wings.  Start now.  What a disgrace it would be for you to grow old without ever seeing the beauty and strength of your full potential.

3.  Everything you own has an emotional cost of ownership.

No matter what you own there is a maintenance cost.  We can speak in dollars – insurance, taxes and interest.  Or even in time – cleaning, updating and protecting.  But the hardest maintenance cost for most people is simply sentimental value.

We transfer our feelings and memories onto an object and decide we can’t let go because we’ll risk losing the feeling or memory.  Before long, we become surrounded by these visual reminders of our memories and no longer have room to make new ones.  It’s hard to move forward in your life when your past is crowding your present.

The answer, of course, is to get rid of some of this stuff.  But that’s way easier said than done.  We often need to be compelled to do this with a move or a lifestyle change.  Imagine how much richer life would be if you moved the junk out and made room for new opportunities instead of grudgingly making room only when it was forced upon you.  (Read The Joy of Less.)

4.  Flaws are beautiful and likeable.

Nothing is perfect; the world itself is not perfect.  But we’re all here living for our dreams and each other, trying the very best we can.  And that’s what makes us so darn beautiful.  The little things about you that you think are your flaws are often the reasons others fall in love with you.

Accept your flaws.  Admit your mistakes.  Don’t hide and don’t lie.  Deal with the truth, learn the lessons, endure the consequences of reality, and move on.  Your truth won’t penalize you.  The mistakes won’t hurt you.  The denial and cover-up will.  Flawed and vulnerable people are beautiful and likable.  Liars and phonies are not.  Every beautiful human being is made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions and finished with unique edges.

5.  The things you do for fun can pay the bills if you do them right.

Work, if it is interesting, is a stimulant.  It’s worry and a lack of interest in what you’re doing that drains and discourages you.  Every one of us should have our hobbies and side interests – as many as we can handle efficiently and happily.  Our interests should never be allowed to lag or get cold so that all enthusiasm and passion is wasted.  Each day can be a success if you feed your interests as graciously as they feed you.

Happiness is found where interests and capabilities intersect.  If you do what you love and then master it so you can do it much better than anyone else you know, it is entirely possible to make a living from it.  Even better, you will not get tired out from working when your work interests you.  The key is to find the point at which what you love, what you’re good at, and what people will pay for, intersect.

6.  Some of the most unpleasant people just need a little love.

Provide support when it makes sense, even when people are cold and unfriendly.  Some people are rude and complain as a way of crying for help.  They may not be conscious of it though, so their comments come across as attacks rather than requests.

Show a little love and concern.  Do something nice for them.  Just a simple “Are you okay?” or “Is there anything I can do to help you?” can do wonders in certain situations.  Resist the urge to judge or assume.  It’s hard to offer compassion when you assume you have them figured out.  Let them know they are not alone.  People overcome the forces of negative emotions, like anger and hatred, when the counter-forces of love and support are in full effect.  (Read The Mastery of Love.)

7.  Sometimes the best thing you can do is nothing at all.

Sometimes you need to be alone… not to be lonely, but to enjoy some free time just breathing and being YOU.

In order to be one with your relationships and life’s work, you have to turn away from the busyness of the world for a while.  You need to find solitude to refuel.  You must become so alone that you withdraw into your innermost self.  You must do nothing at all, except to be still with the moment.

You need to ponder your successes and failures in seclusion; you need the sunshine and the moonlight to warm you without companions to distract you, without the ongoing banter, face to face with your inner core, with only the sound of your heartbeat for company.

The floor is yours…

What would you add to the list?  What do you wish you understood sooner in life?  Please leave a comment below and let us know.

Photo by: Trey Ratcliff

“In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.”
?Albert Camus

We live in turbulent times.  There are fewer guarantees and more uncertainties these days.  Thankfully this also means there are lots of opportunities to be had.  And if you and I are to overcome the obstacles in our way and seize the opportunities, we’re going to need strong minds.

Mental strength means you understand how to manage your emotions, adjust your thinking, and choose to take positive action, despite your circumstances.  It’s knowing deep down that every little struggle is progress.  And if you really want it, you’ll do it, despite failure and rejection and the odds.  Every step forward will be tough, but will feel better than anything else you can imagine.  You will ultimately come to realize that the struggle is not found on the path, it is the path.  And it’s worth your while.

Being willing to walk this path of resistance is what mental strength is all about.  And it’s something Angel and I cover extensively here on our blog, in our book, and with our course students on a daily basis.  Why?  Because 90% of our problems as rational human beings are the byproduct of learned mental weakness.  In other words, over time we’ve heard a succession of lies from other people about what we need and what we don’t need – about what we can and can’t do – about what is and isn’t possible for us – and we subconsciously believed every word.

What’s worse?  We now tell some of these lies to ourselves and we live by them every day.

Which means it’s time for us to unlearn these lies for the sake of our own mental strength:

1. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. – We all have an idea in our heads about how things are supposed to be, and sadly this is what often messes us up the most.  Realize this.  Expect less and learn more.  Let go and let life grow you – let it test you.  You won’t always understand it and that’s OK.  Just when you think it can’t get any worse, it does.  And then just when you think it can’t get any better, it does.  Mentally strong people are appreciative of the obstacles in their path because they know the obstacles are necessary stepping-stones.  So keep going, keep growing, and someday you will be able to describe your entire life in just one sentence: “It didn’t go as planned, and that’s OK.”
2. Disappointment and sadness are not necessary. – Having an excessive preoccupation with happiness can actually lead to an unhealthy attitude towards negative emotions and experiences.  Mentally strong people don’t try to avoid negative emotions – rather, they accept both positive and negative emotions and let these feelings coexist.  This is a key component of their resiliency.  Trying to be happy 24/7 is futile; we need to focus on being whole instead.  Disappointment, frustration, sadness and failure are part of your wholeness – all of these things help make you who we are.  Happiness, victory and fulfillment are nice things that also happen to you, but they don’t teach you and help you grow nearly as much.
3. This situation is definitely bad. – There’s an adage in the ancient philosophy of Stoicism, “There is no good or bad, there is only perception,” which was later echoed in Shakespeare’s famous quote, “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”  Truth be told, the way we perceive a situation has tremendous power to either help us or harm us.  So often, we react emotionally and project negative judgments onto a situation, when the first key to overcoming a challenge is to view things objectively.  In the long run, it usually isn’t what you have or where you are or what you’ve been through that makes or breaks you; it’s how you think about it all and what you do next.  (Read Man’s Search for Meaning.)
4. There’s no hope. – Mentally strong people know the opposite of defeat is not courage; the opposite of defeat is hope.  And there’s always hope.  When you lose something good, don’t think of it as a loss, but as an experience that gets you back on the path you were meant to travel.  Ultimately, the measure of who you are is what you do with what you have at any given point in time.  It’s important to remember that you have enough, and you are enough, always.  Stay strong.  Think clearly.  Even when it feels like things are falling apart, they aren’t.
5. You don’t really have any other choice. – Have you ever met a happy, successful person who regularly avoids responsibility, blames and points fingers and makes excuses for their unsatisfying lives?  Me either.  Because happy, success people are mentally strong.  They accept responsibility for how their lives unfold.  They believe their own happiness and success is a byproduct of their own thinking, beliefs, attitudes, character and behavior.
6. Successful people follow the rules. – Break the rules.  Don’t break the law, but break the rules.  You don’t need to measure up to other people’s benchmarks.  The psychological root of most unhappiness lies in external validation, which happens when you try to measure your self-worth based on the opinions of others.  But it’s not what others think… it’s what you think about your life that counts.  You, and only you, get to decide what kind of life you want to live.  Other people’s goals and expectations don’t matter that much in the long-run.  (Read Choose Yourself!)
7. There is always an easier way. – The path of least resistance is often the path of least reward.  You need to do hard things.  There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.  As Einstein once said, “Genius is 1% talent and 99% percent hard work.”  You must run to be a runner.  You must write to be a writer.  You must actively work on a business venture to learn how to run a successful business.  There is no substitute for doing the work.  So meditate on this every day: “I will do the work.  It won’t be easy.  It will be worth it!”
8. Now is not the right time. – The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing.  And when it comes to your goals, later is always the wrong time to do the right thing.  Why?  Because time is passing.  So stop waiting for the right time; it will never come.  Make a decision and take a chance.  You have to dare to do it, because life is too short to wonder what could have been.
9. You need more to be happy. – Mentally strong people know that gratitude is the best attitude adjustment.  The more goodness you see, the more you create, and the more good things you have to smile about.  Happiness doesn’t start when “this, that or the other thing” is resolved.  Happiness is what happens now when you appreciate what you have.
10. You need to be perfect to be impressive. – If the face you always show the world is a mask, someday there will be nothing beneath it.  Because when you spend too much time concentrating on everyone else’s perception of you, or who everyone else wants you to be, you eventually forget who you really are.  So don’t fear the judgments of others; you know in your heart who you are and what’s true to you.  You don’t have to be perfect to impress people.  Let them be impressed by how you deal with your imperfections.  (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Self-Love” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
11. You have a great reason to hate them. – The true mark of maturity is when somebody hurts you and you try to understand their situation instead of trying to hurt them back.  It’s about forgiveness.  And it doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past or forgetting what happened.  It just means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life.  Remember, the less time you spend hating the people who hurt you, the more time you’ll have to love the people who love you.
12. Loved ones should always agree with you. – Mentally strong people know that someone who loves you won’t always agree with you just to make you happy.  If anything, they will say what needs to be said, sincerely, regardless of whether or not you want to hear it.  Why is this good news?  Because close relationships grow stronger only when two people are able to share their innermost feelings and thoughts about themselves and each other.  To be fully seen by someone in raw form, and be respected anyhow, is what love is.  It’s about acceptance and truth over agreement and ruse.  And, sometimes, it’s agreeing to disagree and being OK with it.

Afterthoughts

I want to leave you with this to think about…

In 1914, the great inventor Thomas Edison experienced a devastating hardship.  His entire laboratory burned down to the ground, and years worth of his work was ruined.  Newspapers described the situation as the worst thing to happen to Edison, but that was a lie.  Edison didn’t see it that way at all.  The inventor instead chose to see his circumstances as an invigorating opportunity to rebuild and re-examine much of his current work.  Edison reportedly said shortly after the fire, “Thank goodness all our mistakes were burned up.  Now we can start again fresh.”

Now that’s what I call mental strength!

The floor is yours…

What other self-defeating lies do we often tell ourselves?  What’s one self-defeating lie you once believed was true?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts and insights with us.

Photo by: Mark Rochefort